He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i think my cat just said my name.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
