I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
