He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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