so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
