i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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