No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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