I got chris browned last night
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
