You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
