After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
