I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
