woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
