I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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