Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
