How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
