before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
