If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
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