chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
