Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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