Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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