Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
