So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
