Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
