she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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