Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
