that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You ate ashes out of my bong
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
