We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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