I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
