Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
