I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
