he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
