did you get engaged???
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
