Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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