I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
