im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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