The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
