How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
