I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
