After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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