Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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