you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
