I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
