I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
