So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
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