I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
