thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Someone came in the potted fern
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
