I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
