i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
