Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
