I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
