im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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