If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
