I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
