I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
