Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
