She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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