The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
