My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this just has baby written all over it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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