I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.