both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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