Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When did angry sex become our thing?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital