my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.