It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.