Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.

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  (917): Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard. http://tfl.nu/xsvt
  Replies (23) Good night (2731) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2087) Bad night (467)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.

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  (615): Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree. http://tfl.nu/pq0u
  Replies (20) Good night (3342) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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  (408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level. http://tfl.nu/k6hr
  Replies (8) Good night (3346) Bad night (515)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later

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  (606): you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later http://tfl.nu/ipo7
  Replies (26) Good night (1683) Bad night (4673) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6646) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (16) Good night (7078) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

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  (217): i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here http://tfl.nu/dmaq
  Replies (18) Good night (1534) Bad night (2246) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.

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  (810): I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor. http://tfl.nu/qnr4
  Replies (6) Good night (463) Bad night (1420) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.

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  (972): I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy. http://tfl.nu/nung
  Replies (14) Good night (2126) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me

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  (203): I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me http://tfl.nu/e1ma
  Replies (5) Good night (997) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Why do you think she gets more guys?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that

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  (603): Why do you think she gets more guys? (1-603): well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that http://tfl.nu/1cti
  Replies (2) Good night (1395) Bad night (314)
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  (510): View more from California

  Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me

  (206): View more from Washington

  That is an interesting fear as well as image

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  (510): Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me (206): That is an interesting fear as well as image http://tfl.nu/r0xy
  Replies (2) Good night (342) Bad night (362)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties

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  (203): i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies (1-203): you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties http://tfl.nu/44vj
  Replies (5) Good night (1274) Bad night (275)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  It happened again.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.

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  (651): It happened again. (612): What? (651): I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now. http://tfl.nu/fx7i
  Replies (8) Good night (1565) Bad night (321)

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