just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He? As in you personified your dick?
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