I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
