it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
