her vagine was all disorganized.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
