Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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