I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
You left your phone here
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