my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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