i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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