I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
