i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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