Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
