6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just invented taco cereal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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