She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
