he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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