Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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