I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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