then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
