You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
