Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
