Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
