I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
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How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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