You made me cry and you don't even care
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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