My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
