you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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