We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
