two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
