dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's always time for handjobs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
